Day 4 of 365

Being there.

Wow, the enormity of this task just hit me like a ton of bricks.  Write a book?  In a year?  AND get it published?  While writing a blog to chronicle the journey?  Have I mentioned that I also work full time?  Oh my.

What is it about our own internal dialog that attempts to shut down every idea we ever have, burying dreams and emotion with, of all things, logic and reason.  My inner self advises “You will have more free time if you just focus on work and family.  Isn't that enough?  Besides, most books don’t even get finished, much less published, so why try?  And if you fail people will know, and you’ll have to live with that.  It’s so much safer to stay where you are in life.  Right?”

Well thank goodness my brain is not wired that way!  Living in my comfort zone in an uninspired daily routine is not compelling at all.  Been there, done that.  I am at my best when I have a goal, a big dream, something I can work towards day in and day out.  Writing this story, and getting it published, that is a dream worth pursuing. 

I will admit, there have been moments in the last few months when I have considered letting the book die. Life was getting complicated, and my emotions were just worn out.  I wanted to bury it all and move on.  But I knew the only way to transcend the moment was to get the story out of my head and onto paper, finally. 

Besides, when I am writing, I’m free.  It’s pure joy.  I’m away from all burdens, all struggle, everything that makes life complicated.  When I’m writing I get to be with Alex and Lea, during the moment when they first met, and on the day of their first electric kiss.  I get to go back in time and see the world that Leo created for Rachel, and I get to feel the depth of the love they shared.  Writing this book is absolute bliss for me.

I am also amazed how pure imagination can take you to the most incredible places, and feel the most magnificent things.  For example, I have been writing about Rachel and Leo today, and when I’m writing their story I can actually see the mountains where they live, and I can feel their emotions as they play out.  I lose myself in the moment, and sometimes I am startled when the writing stops and I realize I am in a room with 4 walls, not sitting on a mountain top embracing the beauty around me. It’s a crazy bit of fun.

Speaking of Rachel and Leo, allow me to share some paragraphs from their story.  I invite you to go to their mountain top.  See if you can feel that moment like I did.

The contrast of the deep hunter green of the chestnut trees against the brilliance of the blue sky always mesmerized Rachel.  She found herself staring out as if in a meditative trance, absorbing into her being the beauty of the trees, the mountains, and stunning horizon that seemed to stretch in every direction for eternity.  It was one of the reasons why she did most of her cooking and prep work over the kitchen sink, where she could gaze out the window and take it all in, giving her a settled, simple peace.  “You can’t get this in the city” she mused.  It was a bright, warm summer day, and every few seconds a gentle breeze would find its way through the open window.  On the breeze she could smell the recently cut hay and a hint of the horses in the pasture, all mixed with the freshness of the red peppers and scallions she was carefully slicing for dinner. 

Out of the corner of her eye she caught the other reason why she so loved to look through the window.  There, coming out of the barn, looking exhausted and at the same time somewhat pleased with all that he had accomplished, was Leo.  He wore an old pair of ripped blue jeans, a shirt that had been white earlier in the day, and his favorite pair of leather barn boots.  His dark brown hair was matted back with sweat and his deeply tanned, muscular arms were layered with dirt.  He was walking up towards the house, removing his work gloves, when he glanced up to see Rachel at the window.  He smiled, and it literally took her breath away.  They had been married for three years, and still the simple sight of him, his walk, his smile, his presence, made her heart resonate with joy and her soul fill her body with warmth.  She dried her hands so that she could meet him at the door, waiting to hear about the happenings in the barn, and ready to steal a salty kiss from his lips.

I so enjoy going there and feeling their love.  It is why I write, and why I am on this journey.  When I allow myself to be completely open to the Universe, and receptive to the energy of this world, the words flow through my fingers with minimal effort.  So despite buyer’s remorse, or temporary trepidation, I will not give up this quest.  It is far more exciting to me than “more free time”.  I get to spend time with Alex and Lea, and Rachel and Leo.  I get to relive and/or create their world.  And I love that.  I cannot wait to share more with you.

Thank you for being you, and for continuing on this journey with me.

Believe in forever.

Alex